Work Work Work

I need to do thousands of things and God knows that I am the best at procrastinating

1. Translating a book. Whoohoooo. Sikie gave me a job to translate a book in four days. My grammar is awesomely bad, my eyes are hurt, and translating is not something that I like. I mean...when people asked me to switch from Indonesian to English, I tried to do what I referred as 'automatic linking'. When I saw something is round then I'd call it a circle. Circle is not lingkaran. A circle is a circle. End of discussion.
2. Reviewing a questionnaire. I have to come up with new questionnaire or at least edited version of the old questionnaire. Why in the world would people think that making a well-researched questionnaires could be done in days or months? it's crazy. I need whole bunch of literature, empirical studies, pilot project, expert reviewers, and TIME.
3. Studying for iBT and GMAT. Studying while working while nursing a 10 mo baby. Excuse me? yes, I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna hit the target. Not being pessimistic here, just realistic. All my life, God always always gave me reward for my effort. Even though I've never been smart with math, as long as I learned and tried, I believe God would appreciate my effort. Now? mmmmhhh...no, I do not have the time to study and I am too ashamed to God to even ask for mere 500.
4. Doing my own research. My research is stuck at the literature review process. Yeah, it was ambitious of me to screen more than a hundred paper. It was hard to work on something that big alone, but that is not the biggest problem. My most depressing problem is I do not have the access to legally download the articles. See? Screening huge amount of paper is hard, but it is harder when you don't actually have anything to work on.
5. Preparing for diklat fungsional. It's a name of a training. Research training...and so far, I have nothing to be brought on to that training.
6. Lingering on hospitals, taking pills, chugging chemo drugs. Hufff. This one is very unpleasant. Visitors come and go and like Heigl said, it's never sexy to puke in public.

Recently, I lost an intimate relationship with someone. Feels like I wont be able to stop being sad. Now, every single day, I dream about that person. Long night, short nap. I wish I could tell you this in person...how I miss you so much even though you surely don't have the same intense feeling like I do. But then, I must not be selfish, right? If you are happy and safe, I should be happy for you.


Dya