Batas Tipis

Berbagi Kebahagiaan dan Membanggakan Diri;  Memberi Teladan dan Show-off

Ingat penelitian yang mengatakan bahwa Facebook membuat seseorang merasa iri terhadap teman-teman maya mereka?  Well, menurut saya, itu bukan sepenuhnya salah mereka. Setelah beberapa bulan mencermati status beberapa ratus teman saya di FB, I couldn’t help but thinking bahwa rasa iri yang beberapa orang rasakan kemungkinan bukan hanya karena karakter bawaan mereka, tetapi juga akibat status “membanggakan diri” dan “pamer” yang dibuat oleh teman-teman mereka  (well, mungkin ini salah satu alasan kenapa Allah SWT yang Maha Tahu itu tidak menyukai orang-orang yang membanggakan diri).  Saya tidak senang menyalahkan orang lain, but…saya merasa bahwa status yang berbau membanggakan diri dan show-off dalam FB berkontribusi  terhadap perasaan seseorang.

Tipis sekali batas antara “berbagi kebahagiaan” dan “membanggakan diri”. Let’s see…

“Akhirnya sampe juga di Heathrow setelah perjalanan berjam-jam…huff.”

Jangan katakan Anda tulus menulisnya untuk memperlihatkan rasa syukur Anda setelah berjam-jam terjebak kemacetan.  Tanyakan kepada diri sendiri apakah Anda sebenarnya hanya ingin seluruh teman Anda tahu bahwa sekarang Anda berada di UK :’) I’m winking.

 OR

Setelah bermukim di luar negeri, Anda lebih sering posting foto Anda daripada saat Anda masih di Indonesia. “Wajar, dong…kan saya ada di tempat baru, sekalian kasih kabar ke keluarga.” Alasan yang bagus. But, jujurkah Anda? Tanyakan apakah foto-foto itu sebenarnya hanya ungkapan kebanggaan terhadap diri sendiri.

Terasakah perbedaan “memberi teladan” dan “show-off”?

“Saya kemarin memberi makan pengemis di jalan, eh tiba-tiba…bla bla bla”

Anda mau memberi teladan atau pamer kebaikan sebenarnya? Allah memang memperbolehkan sedekah secara terang-terangan, tetapi ada beda antara “terang-terangan” dan “mengumumkan ke seluruh dunia”.  Yakin Anda pintar dan mengerti maksud saya.

I’m not a good person either, you know. Saya juga sering jatuh ke lubang “membanggakan diri” dan setelah membaca kembali status-status saya yang bernada seperti itu, saya rasanya ingin menutup kepala dengan ember saking malunya. I’ve deleted them all and I’m currently trying not to make another one.

Remember, Anda bertanggung jawab atas apa yang Anda tulis; atas semua perasaan-perasaan yang mungkin timbul dari tulisan Anda. Be modest, be cautious.

Cheers,

Dya

picture taken from http://www.digdang.com/media/images/show_off_bird_4695.jpg

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The Art of Forgetting

Portrait of Margaret van Eyck , 41.2cm x 34.6cm. Groeningemuseum, Bruges, 1439

We meet numerous and various kind of people.  Some are new faces; some are old friends. Some search for a sincere hug; some offer you a gentle hug. Some bring you down; some give you wings to fly. Some love you; some you’ve come to love more than most. It was impossible to remember all of them and it would be irrational for you to remember every ass-hat-whack-job in your life. It is unfair and poisonous for your heart.  

When we insulted someone, when we called someone ‘bitch’ or ‘ass’ or ‘bastard’, it was actually our reality, not theirs no matter how objective or fair our evaluation was.  This asymmetric reality was the reason why people felt the need to forget someone and also the source of pain when we were being forgotten.

It was always easier to forget someone that left no prints, but more often than most, people we needed to forget were the ones that carved so many marks in our life.  Let me tell you this, it is impossible to forget them unless you had amnesia or actually became senile. This is where forgetting someone becomes an art.  It is the right time to become Jan van Eyck who beautifully created layers of images or an extremely ignorant curator who allows a painting to fade.

People love the first one, the Jan van Eyck thing.  You start to remember all the bad things about your exes (Xs), over-paint the memories, and blame Xs for your inability to move on.  But the thing is…you are no van Eyck and you will end up with disfigured images of your Xs. I once advised someone to do this because this is relatively easier than what’s going to come next (the fade thing). However, personally, I don’t like to do this. I don’t want to disfigure someone’s image just for my own sake; label him or her as a bad person, so I can feel better for breaking-up with him/her. That’s not right, quite low actually.  But, don’t get me wrong…this standard only applies to me. I never asked my friends to march to the same drummer. I know that forgetting someone is hard and painful to varying degree. Maybe my feeling about break-up is not as intense as some of my friends ^_^. So, judgment-free zone here ;)

The second method of forgetting is the ignorant curator style. Say you had an intimate relationship with a painting once; you cleaned her, restored her beauty, but then…So, what should you do next? Hang the painting in the corner and let it stays there. Go to school, go to work, eat, sleep…keep yourself busy with satisfying activities (charity works, nailing IELTS test) or fun ones (watch movies, play video games) with your friends or odd ones (fill a pickup truck with pillows and blankets, drive it somewhere quiet at night, sleep on the back of the truck, and stargaze).  The trick is keeping your brain busy enough, so it does not have the time to think about the painting. Do it one step at a time, day after day, until the painting become less and less important.  This way you can retain your happy memories and you can also recall them as ‘something from the past’ with a lighter heart.

Who am I to give an advice? Hahahah.

Cheers,

Dya

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Please Be Kind With Your Campaign

Hi,

First of all, I want to clarify that I am not against breastfeeding or campaigns about breastfeeding. Breast milk IS the best normal food for all healthy babies and mother and campaigning for it is noble.  So, what is my problem?

Well, we must admit that some women just cannot breastfeed because of very acceptable medical reasons like HIV, sepsis, cancer, hepatitis, and seizures. And guess what? They feel terribly guilty for not being able to breastfeed.  At some point, they will come to terms with their condition, but after reading a very enthusiastic campaign like "every woman must breastfeed", "if you are not breastfeeding, then you are giving a very bad start for your baby", "no excuses not to breastfeed", or explain in a very very long prose that formula is harmful and mothers who do not breastfeed are literally poisoning their babies, they are devastated and depressed.  It gets worse when an old lady or other women asked, "do you breastfeed?" and the answer was no and they looked at you as if you were unworthy as a mother.

People can say, "you shouldn't feel guilty if you are sick." True.
But you know what? it's the most useless advice someone could give.

So, if you are currently campaigning for breast milk, please check your words again and adjust them slightly...

"Breast milk is the best foods for healthy babies and mommies...for those moms with medical conditions, formula can be a better choice."

Easy, right?

There is this website on breastfeeding called BellyBelly that is both friendly and informative and I guess it sets a good example on breastfeeding campaign.

Please, be kind with your campaigns because not all moms are as lucky as you.


Cheers,
Dya


image taken from http://www.mamapop.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Breastfeeding_Mother-590x442.jpg

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...

Cheers,
Dya

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Once Upon A Time

A text said,

"...and things have become complicated."

I said,

"...go ahead and leave. I couldn't care less."


Cheers,
Dya


taken from http://imgc.allpostersimages.com/images/P-488-488-90/30/3035/9RUBF00Z/posters/garfield-ask-me-if-i-care.jpg

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Padma Hotel-Bandung

Been a long time, eh? Not that I'm busy or something. The link of this blog suggested that it was about books that I've written or read.  However, writing a review or even mere opinion about a book is not as easy as one might think. So, because I believe that it takes time and practice to be fluent at something, I started to write about anything that catches my attention.  Lately, my days have been absolutely monotonic and boring and as the result, I was running out of idea to write.

Couple of weeks ago, there was this one moment that absolutely not boring.  I went to Padma Hotel in Bandung.  I've seen hotels with great view, tasty foods, and luxurious interior, but those are not the qualities that caught my attention at Padma. It was their absolutely splendid hospitality (the hotels does have beautiful view, their bathrooms are very comfortable, and they have quite a nice playground and swimming pools).

There was nothing standard about their greetings, their tone of voice, or their words. Have you ever pay attention to employees at the supermarket chain or banks or beauty shops? They have standard words, they bow in unity, hell even their smiles are almost the same.  But not at Padma. They called and played with my daughter while she was running around the lobby, a butler wooed her to get on a horse, and when my husband looked a bit confused, an employee who was just passing by spontaneously asked him of whether he needed help.  In the last day before we checked out, we were lost between the parking lot and the lobby (because as usual, my husband always preferred to look for nooks and crannies rather than a normal path) and we met a butler with messy appearance near a storeroom (apparently he was not currently in his working hours). He did not bother to straighten up or something...he suddenly stood and greeted us like we were best friends, "hey! what can I help you with?" He explained about the infrastructure and welcomed us if we ever wanted to explore more. How nice.  There was nothing fake in his hospitality. I really wonder on how Padma trained their employees.

To make it fair, they do have shortcomings when it comes to toddler's activity.  At my stay there, I found out that they have playground and flying fox and nice swimming pools and other nice things, but those are more suitable for older kids. It would be better if they have wide room with transparent and very thick glass and inside they could put mini playground and golf-course. So, the kids will feel like they are playing outdoor and parents can also enjoy the view! What do you think? Heh heh.

I assumed Padma is a popular hotel (well, it's one of the favorites in tripadvisor), so I would strongly suggest you to book weeks before. 


Cheers,
Dya

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They

There are these two friends of mine. I met them for the first time like two months ago.  Both are singles. The man was highly unstable, he has high standards (but low in self confidence even though he seemed sure about himself), perfectionist (though I think it bears the same meaning as coward), and attractive in a damaged-goods way. I think he has some kind of syndrome. I actually read about that, but I forgot the term. I'll tell you as soon as I remember it. :p

The woman was traumatized by her incapability to understand men.  She is too sensitive and what would you call it? Afraid to make any move without a long long long consideration.  I think she would need more than one period of Hajj before she actually admitted that she was in love.  She is suspicious all the time and for some reasons, she feels quite comfortable with her single life.  However, in my opinion, she just wants to play it safe. She thought about all the loss, sadness, and sacrifices associated with relationships, but she failed to recognize the benefits of having someone.

I realized that she likes him.  My intuition is accurate, trust me. He takes it as compliments but no more.  It could not be more wrong.  She keeps giving him attentions out of love and all and he keeps receiving them out of pride (like a king accepting tributes) because I KNOW he does not have any romantic feeling towards her (plus, he is lethal).  They are not in the same page. Should I warn her? She'll probably deny my assessment and hate me for bringing it up, but hey...she can hate me all she likes as long as she does not fall in love (further) to that man, right?

So, dam-it or damn-it?
Dya

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When I Talk to You

But the thing is...we cannot talk anymore.

Want to be happy,

Dya

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Chicken!

The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her (Bob Marley).

I could not agree more.
It was like teasing a thirsty man with a glass of clear water without an intention to give it to him for real.  Wait, it was a wrong analogy I guess...because it was more of a cruelty than cowardice. You are smart, right? you know what I meant.  I'm going to tag this with "My Life" because somehow, out of the blue, when I read the quote, I wanted to say,

"What kind of man is that? I hate him so much. Even if he is burned alive in front of me, I would not take a second to pee on him. To hell with him. A man who cannot make a stand is a worthless little coward. Man who just goes with the flow is unacceptable as leader.  Men who stood in front of a door five feet from you, talked to you about good times, offered you flowery words, made you heart beats faster, turned your world upside down, and at the end,trashed your heart, got inside the house, and shut the door behind him did not deserve any gift except 'being forgotten'.  Keep calm and forget him."

Simmer down, Dy...what just happened? I'm not sure. I just had a sudden burst of emotion, I guess...to an imaginary man. Yes, it's becoming clearer that I am actually insane. Mad at someone who was not even someone.  Well, at least, there must be a man like that exists in this world, right? In that case, I hate you. Hahahahah.

Morning People!
Dya

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