Marriage and Education: Dinner Chit Chat

Hi,

Long time no see, yap? I'm actually in a research training program and I can't really write much. This is going to be a very short paragraph.  Bear it with me, kay?

About two nights ago, I sat with two wonderful people over dinner and we talked quite a lot about the fact that women with high educations in Indonesia tended to find it hard to get a husband.  A friend (a man) said that it was partly because the men did not feel confident enough to propose. My other friend (a woman) stated that she did not really care about money or education.  As long as he has the same faith (religion), there was always a possibility to be her husband. I...personally has the same opinion. I mean...as long as he is a he, he is a good enough muslim, and I can talk to him comfortably, I don't see why he couldn't be my husband.  However, after spending another 30 minutes I could see clearer that it was actually because the nature of men and probably,our culture. 

First, I think that it was the nature of man to expect to be more superior than his wife. At least for the most important matters like education, money, position at the office.  I do not really know exactly about what men feel when they are financially or educationally inferior, but I think, in general, they don't like it. No matter how bad the situations, being lower than their wives was not normal and of course it could cause frictions from time to time.  So, to avoid that friction, they choose to propose someone "lower" than or "equal" with them.

Second, apparently in my friend's culture, the amount of money that must be paid by the groom in a marriage arrangement is positively correlated with the "value"of the bride. This value of a bride was affected by her education, blood, and ability to generate money.  A noble-blood woman with master degree who works for the government could value more a hundred million. Well,no wonder men felt a bit intimidated.

It was nice to see how a culture could value a woman so much.  But, it also created a certain dilemma for a woman. At some point, she needs to choose of whether her love for education is bigger than her passion to be a wife and a mom.  I would be frustrated. Sigh...


Cheers,
Dya


*I'll write more after mid May I guess